by Todd Fisher
On election night 2016 my family and I were living in London. When we heard the results the next day, I’m embarrassed to say I felt thankful to not be in the U.S. My response was less from a political opinion and more from a sense that contentious times were ahead. I thought we’d be at a safe distance from such divisions.
When our time in England came to an earlier-than-expected conclusion in the summer of 2017, I knew we were headed back to a divided homeland. Of course, little did I know just how divided things would become.
Like many, I’ve found myself at a loss in recent years. We are not just fractured as a nation, not merely divided in local churches, we are experiencing strife like never before in families, homes and the most intimate of relationships. And this was before March of 2020. The pandemic and ensuing unrest of the last 19 months has served to accentuate, highlight, make clearer the differences between us.
So what to do? How can we as believers navigate the divide of difference? How do we embody a different way and work towards reconciliation? How to lead when the “two or more gathered” seem increasingly far apart? Ultimately, how do we engage the person in front of us in the manner of our Jesus?
I now lead a new-ish C4SO church in Indianapolis. A few months ago a parishioner introduced me to a method of engaging differences that’s been giving me hope for a way forward: 3 Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide by Jim Henderson and Jim Hancock. Henderson may be familiar to some of you. A retired Vineyard pastor, his 2008 book Jim and Caspar Go to Church was a helpful resource for understanding the perspective of those outside the Church. It’s the story of a pastor (Jim) “buying the soul” of an atheist who’d put it on eBay (Caspar). They became unlikely friends and went on a tour of churches around America (Jim owned Caspar’s soul, so he could make him do such things!). Caspar’s insights about various approaches to corporate worship were enlightening. But the relationship between these two very different people was perhaps even more illuminating. In many ways, their friendship embodied the three foundational practices on which Henderson and Hancock’s approach is based.
The 3 Practices can be summed up with three commitment statements:
- “I will be unusually curious.” When others state their position, belief, or experience, even and especially if very different from my own, I will ask follow-up questions. I will give them the dignity of hearing them out. I will seek to understand where they’re coming from. The main means of doing so is through questions, specifically beginning with the phrase, “I’d be curious to know…” This practice is rooted in the imago dei, believing every person we encounter is an image bearer of God, deserving of dignity.
- “I will stay in the room with difference.” Once I know another’s stance, it’s easy to move away from the conversation – or relationship – especially if the heat gets turned up. If at all possible, I will seek to stay present and engaged. This is often difficult, yet seems an application of our call to “bear with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2) and to “walk in wisdom towards outsiders” (Colossians 4:5).
- “I won’t compare my best to your worst.” When others are talking I am often working on my own response, my own argument, rather than listening. It feels good to put others in their place with an excellent rebuttal. The heart of this approach is listening, not arguing. And listening can be humbling. But it can also be a key way to exhibit Jesus’ love to others. As Henderson likes to say, “Being heard and being loved are practically indistinguishable to most people.”
While all of the above were evident in Jim and Caspar Go to Church, Henderson further honed his thinking as he spent time with three unlikely clergy friends in Peoria, IL. An evangelical pastor, a rabbi, and an imam had developed close relational bonds, learning to walk together even while foundational aspects of their belief and worldview would be unchanged. Henderson’s aptly titled documentary No Joke details this unique situation. Just hearing that such a relationship exists stirs my heart for how these simple commitments might be a way forward in this divided time.
The 3 Practices are not merely a few helpful suggestions or ideas for followers of Jesus to employ as peacemakers. Hancock and Henderson have developed what they call “3 Practice Circles” as a delivery system to intentionally get people together and talking about issues they might not otherwise. Pre-pandemic, these circles entailed gathering people for public discussions, approaching “hot” topics of the day in the form of structured conversations. Rather than debates or listening to experts pontificate about areas of specialty, “3 Practice Circles” are means of considering different perspectives on difficult topics in a framework that might lead to greater understanding and empathy, if not agreement. Over the last 19 months these conversations have moved online, where moderators – they’re actually called “referees” – help create environments where people of very different stances hear each other on contentious matters of the moment.
A few others in my church and I have just completed a training cohort to lead these circles. For our part, we are considering how we might employ 3 Practice Circles in our community. We’re hopeful for their use in small group settings and leadership discussions. We’re also exploring how these circles might be a way to engage our surrounding community. Our neighborhood has numerous bars, pubs, and restaurants, and we envision forums in public spaces as a way to listen to our neighbors.
There’s more to the 3 Practice thinking and strategy than I can detail here. And I still have much to learn myself. But I’m finding this approach so helpful personally and as I seek to guide folks trying to engage friends, loved ones and co-workers. If you’d like to learn more I suggest checking out the website www.3practices.com. You can read more about their rationale, hear some testimonials, and watch video examples of the aforementioned circles.
While my heart is heavy as I think about the division of recent years, I’m also thankful for the opportunities that this moment affords. Jesus-oriented approaches like the 3 Practices are helping me move from wishful thinking about people getting past their differences to real-world tools to help us engage and love each other, our neighbors, and even our enemies. As Jim Henderson says, we can move from “inspiration to operation.” We don’t have to offer vague platitudes about being salt and light, but through simple acts of curiosity, presence, and resisting demeaning debates we can give glimpses of the day when divisions are no more and all things are made new.
The Rev. Todd Fisher is the pastor of Christ Church Broad Ripple. Todd is an Indianapolis native, and the city of Broad Ripple has been central to his life and ministry for many years. He’s a fan of spicy food, dreampop music, and documentary films. Todd attended Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and is an ordained priest in C4SO.